


Groupchat

by DragonflyxParodies



Series: Capricorn [8]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU (Comics), Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics), Smallville, Under the Red Hood, Young Justice (Cartoon), Young Justice - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Hanging Out, Light-Hearted, Mentions of the BatSiblings, assuming i did my job right, babysitting bribes, disney movie binges, it's cute and its funny, sibling mockery, u bet ur ass it pisses jade off
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-21
Updated: 2020-04-21
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:55:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23763463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DragonflyxParodies/pseuds/DragonflyxParodies
Summary: The Team discusses their phones, groupchats, and contacts.
Relationships: Artemis Crock & Her Team, Artemis Crock & Jade Nguyen, Artemis Crock & Lian Harper, Artemis Crock & Roy Harper
Series: Capricorn [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1045871
Comments: 14
Kudos: 263





	Groupchat

She asks why Tim’s always glued to his phone a couple months after they move Conner in with Luthor and start hanging out there. And Conner responds, voice entirely monotone and response immediate, _because he’s checking in with his siblings_ , and Artemis goes _siblings? I thought it was just the two brothers_ , and Conner goes _no, he’s got three sisters_ , and Bart wakes Tim up by screaming _what the fuck_ and then they all turn to accost Tim.

She convinces – _nags_ – M’gann into ganging up on Tim and demanding to meet his sisters. Tim says _no, absolutely not_ , and then she steals his phone.

His sisters are in his phone under a group chat called _the lesbians_ , which prompts Tim into finally explaining his whole family dynamic.

His sister is his ex. Or, his ex is his sister. Who is dating his other sister. They’re not biologically related, he repeats, multiple times. Nightwing is the oldest. The Red Hood is the second oldest. And Tim refers to him as _mom_ with all the spite his tiny little body can fit, which is not actually all that much, not in the face of her own magnificent capabilities.

His third sister is Not Allowed, he tells them. She’s invisible. She already knows their addresses, by the way, so maybe don’t try to steal her number or she’ll ruin you. Artemis is not willing to tempt fate. Bart clearly is.

His brothers are in a group chat called _literal death_ , and The Red Hood’s contact info is also helpfully labeled mom, with a little robin emoji and a skull. Nightwing is just an octopus. Because he _hugs_ , Tim says, and shudders. There is some blatant favoritism going on there, and Artemis tactfully decides not to touch it with a ten-foot pole. Bat family dynamics seem even more complicated than hers.

His eldest sister has no name. Artemis doesn’t know if that is because it’s entered in as a space, or some weird tech thing, but it is terrifying. The other two are _The Purple One_ , accompanied by an eggplant emoji, and nothing but a spiderweb emoji. _Her costume looks like literally every nightmare you’ve ever had come to life_ , Tim says as way of explanation, _and she can kill literally everyone without trying_.

Artemis takes offense to that. Jade could do that, _no problem_. But she doesn’t say anything.

She has Jade in her phone as a little tiger emoji and then a pear, which was the closest thing she could find to an actual jade. Sometimes she changes her contact information to _bitch_ and screenshots it and sends the picture to Jade.

And then she’s got the team. Olly and Dinah. Roy, now, too – he’s just a smiley face. Her dad is not in there. Tim doesn’t have Batman’s information saved, either. He does have a contact called _the grandfather_ , though, and when Kaldur asks Tim shakes his head and says _no he gets mad if I don’t check in_ and _he’s terrifying_ and then he really _is_ terrifying because Tim gets a text from him right then and there asking if he made it to _Master Luthor’s_ place alright.

Kaldur, as it turns out, does not have a phone. He’d tried, and then he’d started getting calls from a random number that turned out to be his dad and even though he and Black Manta have a weirdly good relationship with each other considering _everything_ , Kaldur mostly just ignores him. He’d ditched the phone and only uses his communicator. Or the rest of them, which is something Bart has no problem with, apparently. Gives him an excuse to have a permanent buddy.

_Bart has separation anxiety_.

Bart also has everyone in his phone contact list under their actual names. He just puts them in weird group chats that he likes to change the names of. The team is, currently, _chaos legion_.

Connor has exactly two other contacts besides the team; Luthor, who is tentatively logged under _dad (_ this is pending final review, it’s only been a few weeks and Connor’s smart enough not to trust adults _that_ easily) and Tim’s brother under the name _tim’s mom_. There are no sent messages, or received messages. Connor says in his usual deadpan that it is in there for killing emergencies only. Which is fair. She has Roy’s information for a similar purpose; Roy just likes talking to her outside of assassination requests. Of which she has sent _zero, M’gann, wipe that look off your face._

M’gann does not let them see her phone. Artemis is benevolent enough not to say that’s because her uncle had taken it after M’gann shared her number with those random internet friends she likes to make, and instead lets the boys haze her as appropriate.

Her phone dings sometime after the ensuing tussle has settled and Tim has nodded off again and Bart has put in another Disney movie.

_u wanna babysit tonit? J will feed u_

Roy accompanies the text with a picture of the most magnificent garlic bread Artemis has _ever_ seen.

_can team come? @luthors rn_

She has to wait all throughout Ursula’s final attack before she gets a reply. It’s a picture of a whole _tray_ full of incredible-looking garlic bread.

She tackles her teammates with a screech. But not before sending it to their own groupchat, just for good measure.

**Author's Note:**

> Y'all motherfuckers better be staying safe right now, don't be doing anything stupid and make damn sure to put your health and safety first. Or if you're a jackass, the health and safety of everyone you know and love.  
> Sending you aggressively positive vibes rn.
> 
> ANYWAY hope you enjoyed the piece, I still don't know how to end things.


End file.
